I Don’t Agree, and I’m Not Liking Your Post

(Original post: February 24, 2011)

I think my earlier status about those cheesy facebook like pages needs to be expanded on, since I couldn’t fully express my disgust and annoyance in 420 characters or less. I’m sure everyone with more than four friends on facebook has been assaulted at some point with “like page” notifications from some annoying teenage girl that lives in a dream world full of ponies, unicorns, and perfect relationships. As soon as I get done writing this, I intend to delete most of my friends that fall into this category (why am I friends with them in the first place? I dunno), except the ones whose antics I find funny. But seriously, we all know someone like this, right?

Has anyone ever actually bothered to read some of these things before removing them from their news feeds? These “like pages” really make me worry about the current mental state of America’s youth. They’re almost always filled with horrendous spelling, punctuation, and general typing errors that may or may not be intentional (I don’t know which possibility scares me more). Then there’s the content. From what I can tell, they range from slightly funny (but extremely old) jokes that some idiot heard from their grandpa and wanted to make a page out of, to cheesy fantasy scenarios that never happen in real life, to things that are so disturbing that you can’t really place them in a category. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at a few that I have copied and pasted directly from my news feed, which is currently displaying nothing but this garbage.

 

facebook:..

-Log on

-Check notifications

-Poke everyone back

-Go on homepage

-Do the “happy birthday” ritual

-Go back to homepage

-Change from “Top news” to “Most recent”

-Have a little scroll down

-Like a couple of pages

-You’re bored already…

Okay? Fine, I guess it’s true, but does it really deserve over 200,000 likes? I think they mistyped… it’s not “like a couple pages”, it’s “annoy the living crap out of your entire friends list by liking 50 or so pages”.

 

apple = health

health = strength

strength = looks

looks = girls

girls = sex

sex = aids

aids = death.

Who wants an apple?

What? How lonely and bored must this person have been to actually create this idiocy… and have it receive 134,000 likes.

 

Son : Mum, im not a virgin anymore…

Mom : :O

Son : Why so shocked?

Mom: Your too young!

awkward silence*

Son : mom, im 42.

What? Uh, was that supposed to be funny? I didn’t laugh. You shouldn’t either.

 

Best joke: Two sausages were in a pan. One says “Wow it’s hot in here!” the other says “OH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE”

That joke stopped being funny when the dinosaurs died out. Same with the one about the kid having to pee, saying the alphabet, and peeing down his leg. I’m sure you’ve seen that one too.

 

Guy posts on slags wall.

Guy: omg your so fit.

Girl: thanks

Guy: oh wait i clicked on the wrong profile..

Uh… what? I don’t even-

 

Sorry im sexually attracted to you and when i touch you and feel you i just want to rip your clothes off..hope you dont mind

If you are 14 years old and you like this page, you need serious help. I don’t know why you would even want to like this. You sound like a slut. This is a case where the parents really need to monitor their kids’ facebook pages.

 

My boyfriend and I broke up because my “friend” told him that I was breaking up with him. I tried to tell him other wise, but he didn’t want to talk to me. Everyone is telling me he still loves me. I’ve been crying for weeks now and he has a new girlfriend already (trying to get over me). If 1,000 people like this by February 27th I’ll tell him that I still love him and ask if we could get back together in front of his new girlfriend.

Oh boy. Here we go with “if I get X number of likes by blahblahblah, I’ll…” posts. Please learn to solve your own problems.

 

you loved me yestoday you loved me the day before ,i done somthing stupid and you love me no more

A couple of things confuse me about this. Firstly, I can’t understand why anybody would care. Secondly, it’s kinda hard to tell through the awful spelling, but I think this is supposed to be sad. So why does it end in a heart like every other mushy sad love quote on here?

 

I bet your jealous that my nans nipples are glowsticks!

I hope to God that this is a movie quote or something.

 

loves like a little kid with a balloon. you have it for a while then it floats away and all you wanna do is cry because its gone and you cant find one like that balloon or person.

If you really take love advice from facebook… nevermind, I’m not even going to finish that sentence.

 

gf ; what would you do if i broke up with you .

bf ; i would go back to my ex .

gf ; ( crying ) im breakin up with you .

* many hours later .*

bf ; will you go out with me ?

gf ; i thought you were going to your ex .

bf ; you are my ex . (:

gf ; ♥

bf ; ♥

Give me a break. Look, nobody does this stuff in real life. It’s not even cute. It’s just idiotic.

 

If someone told me I wasn’t pretty or skinny, I wouldn’t sit around to wait for them to pull out a bouquet of roses and tell me I’m beautiful and perfect. I’d slap them. And I’m sure anyone else with any sense would do the same. I wouldn’t take the guy in the above scenario back. I’d just laugh at him, and I’m sure you would too. I also have yet to meet a guy who would be dumb enough to try any of these lines.

Life isn’t a cheesy fairy tale. Get used to it.

That said, this one made me laugh a little…

Girl: Sooo who do you like?

Boy: Hold on, I’ll call her

(Girl takes out phone, expecting call, but someone else picks up)

Boy: Lmao, this isn’t facebook, get real.

If that was a real scenario instead of something made up by some bored teenager, I would give that guy an award for totally ruining that idiotic girl’s dream world.

 

i’ve heard of crying myself to sleep, but what about smiling your self to sleep

That quote is so cheesy, it’s a whole freaking Kraft factory.

… Hey, I should make that a like page.

 

I could go on. There’s the ones that sound dirty and end with (see more), and if you clicked on them (which I don’t, because I’m afraid it’ll sign me up for something and I’ll start spamming everyone too), they end with something completely harmless. Har har. Hilarious.

There’s the ones that have popped up more recently that say “so and so is a [insert expletive here]“, with a link to a profile. I really hate humanity. That’s just pathetic.

Then there’s my personal favorite. After a cheesy joke or quote, it says “like if you agree”. Why can’t you just read it, giggle (or roll your eyes) and move on? Seriously, people. Feel free to read these things, but please do us all a favor and stop cluttering up your page and our newsfeeds with all this garbage. It’s a surefire way to make people lose all respect for you. And end up starring in one of my rants.

I’m not naming names, but I think people can figure out where this one came from. If you think you may be one of the people responsible for the disgust of hundreds of people, please do us a favor and find a new hobby. Thank you, and have a nice day. And I am truly sorry if I have hurt your feelings by pointing out that you live in the real world, where breakups are final, insults are real, and that bra size joke is not funny.

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