Earth to Parents…

(Original post: June 13, 2011)

Over the last few days, as a way to entertain myself, I’ve been snooping through other peoples’ facebook accounts… and quite frankly, I am appalled. I’ve seen sixth graders posting pictures where they’re practically naked and addressing each other with all kinds of swear words, to kids around my age posting the intimate details of their personal lives and pictures of them doing illegal things. All of this makes me wonder… where are the parents while all of this is going on?

Now grant it, my parents are older than most peoples’ parents and I’ve been raised in technological and social isolation. This explains the striped shirts and knit pants I was forced to wear until middle school and the t-shirts and cheap jeans I wore until high school, and the relatively non-slutty clothes I still wear, the fact that the only video game I play is Portal, and the fact that I listen to Elton John instead of Taylor Swift. However, I think it also explains the fact that I’ve never gotten in major trouble on the internet (despite contrary belief, anything inflammatory I’ve posted was meant with good intentions and my so-called “peers” tend to overreact to them because they know I’m referring to them), I’m not on drugs, and I’m not pregnant. My parents have always taken the time to have a decent idea of what I’m doing both on and off the computer, and they would freak out if they found out that I act like most of my peers do.

I first got involved with the internet when I was fairly young, after hurricane Ivan. I made an account on wikiHow, which freaked my parents out initially, but they got over it when they saw that I was using it safely. I’ve now been involved with the wikiHow community for about 5 years, and they’re great people. I ran across some inappropriate material on there from time to time, but only saw it long enough to tag it for deletion, and never actually did any of the things I read about. I still don’t. This is partially because my parents were always over my shoulder, but mostly because I have better things to do with my time than try to pierce my own bellybutton or fool a drug test.

My sister has unfortunately been more of a victim of the technology and stupidity generation, but she’s still fairly intelligent about it. She has two of those overrated Nintendo DS things, an iPod, has a facebook, shops at Justice, and listens to Taylor Swift, but she differs from the average sixth grader in that she wears clothes that actually cover her reproductive organs, has never used a swear word that I’ve heard of, and doesn’t cuss people out over facebook like the majority of kids her age.

I just can’t help but wonder… do parents not notice how their kids dress, act, and talk, or do they just not care? My parents aren’t helicopter parents. Honestly, if I wanted to have a secret life where I did drugs and wore butt shorts and tank tops everywhere, I’m probably smart enough to get away with it for a while. But I don’t, because my parents aren’t complete and total idiots, and I know they’d figure it out eventually. I also have higher hopes for my future than that.

Believe it or not, your kids can look “cool” in clothes that still cover their bodies, and they don’t need ten thousand pounds of eye makeup when they’re 12 (or ever, but that’s another story). You ten year old doesn’t need an iPhone, and he’s probably using it to log into to his facebook account that he’s too young to have and post his personal info all over the internet. Are parents being manipulated into letting their children walk around almost naked and have access to too much technology because the kids tell them “everyone is doing it”? What happened to “if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?”

Then there’s what these kids are doing on the internet, armed with their short shorts, see-through shirts, and ten thousand pounds of eye makeup. They post “sexy” pictures of each other that are just revolting. They’re wearing clothes meant to showcase body parts that they don’t really have yet, and they’re giving the camera a “come hither” look while taking pictures down their shirts or with their butts sticking out. They post statuses like “hangin out w alex tonight. gettttinnnn lucky??? ” (actually copied from a sixth grader’s facebook). Do they even know what that means? And worse, are they actually doing it?

Or even better, here’s some comments copied and pasted from a real comment war on some sixth grader’s slutty picture. She and some other girl were having a friendly conversation, and a third girl butts in with “okay [NAME] u really neeed to shut up ok no one even lks u ok so yehh back off and try saying some stuff to my face and just not to other ppl”. This is followed by about 40 more comments where about 4 girls bash each other. The highlights include:

“dont worry someone will say it to ur face for me soo i dont have to deal with ur disgustin smell oh and try washing ur hair!!! it helps”

“look here you need to lay off yuo think yur gogeous when flat ass ugly butch so fuck off and how bout instead of talkin shit you can come and hit me cause bitch ud be to scared to thats y you always say crap not do anything to help it like say hit me or [NAME] cause u she would kick yur ever lovin ass!”

“[NAME] idk if thats possible ok she thinks she can do watever she wants and thats not true shes a lil prick nobody i mean NOBODY likes u [NAME] you may think they but in the inside they hate all of yur guts soo lay off before i cane thru this computer and beat the living crap out of u!!”

“sweetheart everybody does ike me nobody likes yur sry lil butt nobody likes you and you look like edward from a mile away ok soo nobody wants to suck anything of yurs either im sure ppl would want to suck something of mine before they got to you ok oh wait [NAME] close yyur legs i can smell you!”

“U dont you don’t have a right to say that im not a discrace to the lord ur a unholy brat if u were a christian u would know to never say that the only way ud get me to die in a hole is if u put my bible there I know its not the same for you..”

 

Please note the profanity, inappropriate phrases, insults, threats of violence, and insults pertaining to Twilight. Oh, and the comment about how this one girl is such a Christian. That cracked me up. Seriously though…

This is public. I’m not friends with this girl. ANYBODY who comes across her page can see all this. Which means her parents have no excuse not to be reading it. I looked at the profiles of the other girls involved, and those who have theirs set to public have all kinds of stuff like this on there as well. I also heard that the above conversation led to a fistfight occurring at school. Even after they were notified about that, did the parents look into what their darling little girl might’ve done to cause it? Nope. I also did a simple google search on some of these kids using the information provided on their facebook pages, and found an address within two minutes. So anyone who sees their skanky profile pictures can track them down and kidnap them. How comforting.

I know I didn’t do any of that stuff in middle school, and I didn’t have any friends who did. Maybe other kids at the school were, but I was lucky enough not to cross paths with them very much. Now my younger sister crosses paths with them all the time, whether she wants to or not, and she’s not any “cooler” than I was when I was there, leading to the conclusion that delinquent children are multiplying. These kids are our country’s future, by the way. If this keeps up, where will we be in a few more years?

Okay, so I’ll quit bashing sixth graders a bit and move on to people my own age. While it’s still none of my close friends, I know the majority of the population of my high school, including the magical and revered athletes that are supposedly perfect little angels, are involved with all kinds of drugs, smoking, sex, drinking, and general stupidity. Now grant it, they have cars and jobs and social lives, so their parents don’t see them as much, but still. How can a parent not realize that their kid comes home late every other night smelling like a distillery, or that their teenage daughter pulls her shirt down half a foot as soon as she gets to school and does drugs in the bathroom with sleazy guys? There are kids who blatantly grope each other in the middle of crowded classrooms, and the whole school knows what they’re up to, but their parents remain in the dark. This is often a failure on the part of school administration, but even when these kids get in trouble at school, their parents never seem to look into it. Are they afraid to know the truth about what their baby has done with their life? Do they not care? Or worse, are they encouraging this behavior?

At the moment, I don’t really want to have kids. It’s not because I’m afraid of the responsibility or think I’m going to grow up, never marry, and die old and alone, but I simply don’t want to have a child in this world right now. They’d have the choice of either being another complete failure of a person like the majority of kids seem to be these days, or they would be endlessly teased for simply having some semblance of a moral compass and common sense. I think I’ll spare them the pain.

Now that you’ve read through all that, I am proud to present…
Parenting for Dummies: How to Make Sure Your Kid Isn’t Secretly Screwing Up His or Her Life

• Know your child’s friends, both on and off the computer. Know who they are, what they’re like, and what they might be getting your child into. If your daughter’s new “friend” calls you “dude” when they meet you, smells like a chimney, and brings along equally fishy-looking friends, it might be time to have a talk with your kid. Know who your child has friended on facebook or myspace, and make sure you approve. You don’t have to be a total helicopter parent, but the kid who posts “wanna hang w me n my bitches tonight, ho” on your daughter’s page probably needs to go.
• Be clear about rules regarding the internet. Ideally, you shouldn’t let your child have a facebook or myspace until they’re 13 (the legal age to have an account on a social networking site), or at least make sure you keep a close eye on them if they have one before that. Your child should be required to friend at least one responsible adult. Since there is an option to hide posts from certain people, if you suspect your child is doing this, demand access to their account to check it out (or better yet, know their password). Keep an eye on their conversations, their pictures, and other sites they go to.
• The same goes for cell phones. I’ve heard there are plans you can get where you can read your child’s texts… this might be a good investment, even if you can’t possibly imagine that your child might be discussing something inappropriate. And don’t even get them a cell phone until they reach an age where they need one to keep in touch with you… maybe middle school.
• Have rules about clothing. Go shopping with your child, or at least make it clear that you can veto and demand the returning of anything they buy that you think is inappropriate. This is more of a girl problem, but it can’t hurt to know what your son is wearing to school too. Believe it or not, it is possible to buy nice clothes for your daughter that aren’t skintight and cover her adequately. Even brand name clothing can be decent. Adhere to your child’s school’s dress code. Don’t even buy anything that they couldn’t wear to school, with the possible exception of shorts (because it is has to find shorts that fit the three inch rule).
• Know where your kids are going, and who they’re going with. Don’t just let them leave the house and come home whenever. Expect at least some kind of conversation when they get home regarding where they were and what they did. If something they say sounds fishy, double-check their story. That’s not being nosy… it’s not being a moron.
• Stress the importance of education. Even if your child struggles in school, keep encouraging them and helping them. Check their grades and attendance regularly, and deal with any skipping or failing classes immediately.
• Teach them basic manners and rules of life. Say please and thank you, don’t walk in the middle of the street (because that’s where cars are supposed to drive), avoid swearing. So many kids these days don’t seem to have learned this.
• Above all, just be attentive. You don’t have to eat dinner as a family every night and have family circle time before bed, but talk to your kids and expect them to talk back. Know the difference between normal teenage attitude and when they’re hiding something. Don’t be overly nosy, but know what’s going on in your kid’s life. Good luck with raising a child that will help further society instead of holding it back.